Another Lesson in Surrender and Trust

Another Lesson in Surrender and Trust

Even as I sit to write this, I can feel resistance coming up. I can feel something in me that thinks things should be a certain way, and that this isn’t it. It’s not “what I want” in my mind, but here it is…

My book, “Flourishing with Chronic Illness,” will not be available for pre-order this month, as I had previously announced. I made a decision last week to let go of my original deadline for submitting the manuscript to kindle.

This was a huge act of surrender. I cried, I grieved, but as soon as I let go of my resistance and made the decision, I was flooded with a sense of relief, of confirmation, and of knowing deeply that it was the right thing to do, for myself, for my readers, and for all those around me. I could feel myself being held by the Divine, being reassured that yes, this is for the highest good.

This was not an easy decision. Despite several weeks of getting clear signals from my body to take a break, I kept pushing, blinded by beliefs that things were meant to be a certain way – to go according to “my plan.”

And the timing! By all appearances, the timing is just so ripe! It’s as if the universe has orchestrated this AMAZING opportunity – the “perfect” time to have my book available, at least for pre-order, while the Online Positive Psychology Course that I filmed with world-renowned researcher and author, Dr. Barbara Fredrickson is live, while I’m being exposed to tens of thousands of people all over the world!

By outward appearances yes, the timing couldn’t be more perfect, but if I listen to my body, and to my inner knowing, it has been SHOUTING, “no!” so clearly. I just hadn’t wanted to listen.

A few weeks ago, I started experiencing severe symptoms, unlike anything I’ve ever dealt with before. At first, I thought I just needed to rest. I thought that I could get away with just “taking it easy,” spending extra time in meditation, and still working towards the deadline without stressing too much about it. Last week it became clear that this wasn’t cutting it. The symptoms were getting worse, and it finally broke through to me that it would be crazy to try to force it any more. I needed to accept the circumstances, listen to what my body was telling me, and surrender; trusting that everything will be just as it’s meant to be.

My mind keeps trying to rationalize. There’s not that much left to do, and I keep thinking that I “should” be able to just pull it all together, put on the finishing touches, and get it into the hands of those who need it. But I have a deeper knowing that this is what is best in the big picture. This is what is best for me, and what’s more motivating than that is the knowing that the better I take care of myself, the more I am able to give to others. Even though I want people to have access to the book right now, I know that by taking this step aside, I will be nourishing my inner flame in a way that will make what I have to offer people that much more powerful.

This project is so much bigger than me. I know that it is going to help so many people, and that it will happen in whatever way it’s meant to happen. It is going to get out there, one way or another, and it’s going to be big. This work has already touched so many people, and I know that it will benefit many more for years to come. I am only the vessel. I am letting go of my plan, and trusting in the timing of the Universe.

I am still dedicated to doing all that I can to get it into the hands of those who can benefit as soon as possible, I am still committed to putting in the effort, to going all the way. I am also dedicated to listening to my body and my inner knowing, and to trusting that even if things aren’t going according to my plan, everything is unfolding just as it’s meant to.